I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
