all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
third nipple confirmed
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
