sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
