DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
