Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
