I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
