i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
