I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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