I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
