brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
