living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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