There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
