I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
