in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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