Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You are a genius and a whore.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
