did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
