im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
