The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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