don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
