this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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