Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
