walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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