My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
