i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
