Sry I called you an 8
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
