Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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