Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
