We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
