you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You are the jesus of drinking
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
