the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
