Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
His nipple licking is glorious
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