these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
