Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
