Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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