YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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