I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How's work?
Spinning.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
