i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My vagina is officially offended.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
