I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
