Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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