How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
