i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
