Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
