i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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