you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
