just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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