I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So many bounce houses so little time
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
