just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We are two peas in an std pod
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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