I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
