Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
