come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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