He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
