Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
