I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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