Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
