Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
