Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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