we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
