I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My first STD was from a foam party
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
