he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
