Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
