Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
