I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
