I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
