I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
