Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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