I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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