if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
