I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you have to choose: penises or morals?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
