I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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